Corey Garriot [sic] is Asphyxiating as You Read!

Denizens of Earth, I, Jason Meadows, am the mysterious Mr. X, CEO and sole owner of AEIOUY inc.  With our recent purchases we now possess all the available Oxygen® we are withholding this precious commodity from Coreysoft CEO Corey Garriot to send an example to you our customers to please pay your Oxygen® bills on time.  We would also like to thank Robcomm executive Rob Mitchell for paying his bill on time but would like to apologize for his destroying our osmium nuclear waste container.  The osmium asteroid had been filled to the brim with nuclear waste after we dismantled all of our nuclear powered satellites after many consumers voiced their concerns over the existence of more leaky O-rings.  The leaky O-rings appear to have actually been C-Rings® a brand made by Coreysoft, which were guaranteed safe by Mr. Garriot.

Unfortunately when Robcomm blasted the asteroid to the Earth, large amounts of radioactive material contaminated the Pacific Ocean.  Fortunately we are in possession of several equatorial launch sites in the East Indies that were able to respond quickly and contain the disaster. This would have been the worst catastrophe in the history of the earth, surpassing the creation of Mitchell Crater and its flooding due to a soliton, if reporter Philip "Flip" Lane hadn't tried to tap an Alaskan oil pipeline to get cheap fuel for his car, this incident happened shortly after we cleaned up the latest Robcomm environmental incident.

Through the combined capabilities of our Dark Side of the Moon facilities and our many equatorial holdings we have been able to launch several space colonies orbiting the Earth in a very short period of time, we hope these new colonies can help the world cope with its burgeoning population.  We have also recently placed facilities on mars, the asteroid belt and several of Jupiter's moons, two of which we just discovered and have named Jason and 323.  These names honoring myself were thought up by one of our employees school children who resides in the new Jason colony.

I know would also like to announce our plan to place a new planet entitled Earth 2.0 (or E2 for short) in orbit around the sun in Earth orbit exactly opposite the earth.  We here at AEIOUY inc. would like to state that E2 will solve some of the problems encounter with Earth 1.0.  Thank you and goodnight.

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